oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
