I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
