I'm eating all of the evidence.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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