Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
