there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
