So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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