why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
