hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
