You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
