I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
