I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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