Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just want nice things and good sex
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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