He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
is wine microwaveable?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
