Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
