Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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