I'm going to jail i love you
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
