i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
