you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
