party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
