He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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