Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
