I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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