I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
