no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
