Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
