so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
