the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
dude. I can hear the air.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
