whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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