it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
