I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
