summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
