my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dignity is for republicans.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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