Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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