I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
