Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
