Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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