Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
