Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
