Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
