"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just cropdusted the office
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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