you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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