bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
