I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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