This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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