"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize