dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize