seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
