i just wanna soil my oats bro
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
