i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
