First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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