I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
