i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
