That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
