just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
