Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
