I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just pynch a tree in the face
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
