I cockslap morals
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
