Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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