i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
