also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
