Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
