you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
