I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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