I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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