the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
