So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize