I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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