Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
