I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
