the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
