I must be too annoying 4 u.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
