If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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