Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
