if you like me you must not know who I am
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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