I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
