Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I have fence marks all over my body
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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