I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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