Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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