I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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