Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
