I don't think brook has ever known best
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
