i think my tv is drunk
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When did angry sex become our thing?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
