i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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