If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
