she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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