The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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