I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
