i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
