Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
