You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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