all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
