shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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